Sometimes more than others

There goes my little.. no wait BIG girl going by herself on the spinning teacups on the mall carousel…
Tonight is one of those nights I miss my mother more than others, not just because I am watching my own child but because I need a non-judgemental listenining ear…
Tonight, we went to see a house, it is a very old house that has pretty much every original appliance since it was built in the 1950’s but it had cute built in’s in just about every room to make up for it’s small square footage and a very big yard. There are big problems with it and it would need lots of work before moving in. D said she would love to make it work and we could definately afford it… BUT I don’t like it. My dad said he would help me with the down payment but not with this house.. I could not justify using his money to help us buy.
D is upset with me because I discounted it and said I would not do it.
So, there is more…we are actually waiting on a response on another house. We made an offer on another house that we really like and all the big ticket items have been taken care of, roof, heater, floors… have all been done.  The problem is the bank already came back with a full price offer and we countered again and we already decided that if they don’t accept at this price, we will say no. The only problem? We will be struggling with the monthly payment even at our counter offer. We want the house and I know we will make it work but right now we are very stressed and sometimes I just get so upset missing my mom…sometimes I just need someone to vent to.
I need a person to just talk to, I need mom, my mom. Why did she have to leave me? I don’t have anyone to just call anytime to just cry to or to just talk about my day. My mom used to call me all the time. Then for some unknown reason, I decided I needed to find myself and asked her not to call for a while and then when I came back to my senses we spent a short time again re-getting to know each other… and then she left.
Now, I have a partner but when I just need to talk about stuff going on with my life, I don’t have anyone besides her. Most women have girlfriends they can call up and complain to… I don’t
Why did she have to leave? Why do I have no one to talk to? No one to listen…not try to fix…not feel obligated to do something…just listen?

The “Thing”

Ever been upset about someone doing something for no apparent reason?  This thing is hurtful to themselves but it really doesn’t effect you personally.  The “thing” is also hurting (let’s call him Joe)’s family.  It is evident in the relationships and how they seem to be strained and distant.  It hurts to see that in Joe’s child.  It is also hard to be around Joe because it feels like this “thing” is all that Joe wants to talk about.  He tries to talk to me on facebook about it, tries to call me about it, worries how I feel about it.  It is not my issue, it is his issue but it is almost like he wants to make it my  issue.  I guess “it” is hurting me, it is straining my friendship with him.  I am glad he wants to be around me and wants to open up to me but I am sort of thinking: ENOUGH!  Why can’t you stop this “thing”? Everyone needs to hit some bottom for these things, to decide that “I won’t have it any more and I am GOING to change it”.  Joe must not have hit that bottom yet and I guess I almost think he should have hit bottom and come out of it.  They say it is a disease and to some point, I can believe it but I guess I don’t believe it totally.  Where is the forward thinking to change what looks like will happen in the future based on the decisions that have been made to this point?  You can’t change the past but you need to deal with it and then move away from it so that the present is what is happening NOW and not trying to continuously “change” the past.  When working on what is happening now, it helps to change the path of the future.  Why doesn’t Joe see that?

I guess I am biased because I have had some experience with this “thing” and I have left it behind.  If I can do it, I almost feel like it should be possible for Joe too.  Sometimes, I think it might have been possible for my path to go in a different way if I made different choices.  I had issues and I got away from them. Joe’s current life has the “look” of happiness so why does he want to destroy it with this “thing” when it can be left behind?

Talk or Text?

Always text!  You can take your time and tell a whole story, or text one sentence and be done all day, you don’t have to worry about pauses or….WAIT A MINUTE! I just realized I already wrote about this… look back to January… Has WordPress already ran out of ideas?  Did anyone else notice this?

https://lsawyer713.wordpress.com/2011/01/07/do-you-prefer-to-talk-or-text/

Do you prefer to talk or text?

I know this is not today’s actual blog topic but I stole it from 1/4/11… ha!

I would rather text all day long rather than talk. 

Phone calls:

• You have to know exactly what you are saying for a longer period of time when you are talking on the phone.
• you can’t make a personal phone call and talk while you are at work, in a meeting, on the bus, in a noisey bar, in front of your boss
• Pauses are awkward.
• you will undoubtedly forget something you wanted to say on the call and have to call again
• being on the phone for a long time gives your arm a cramp
• You are never quite sure how to end the conversation. “Ok talk to you later, have a nice day, bye”
• It is embarrassing for your phone to ring while you are in public
• It doesn’t matter how long you wait between

Text:

• You can write one sentence and say nothing else
• it is the opposite of everything above 🙂
• One con of texting is that you can’t see or understand what the emotions of the person are writing the text.

Where is  my phone, I just got a text.