As I see it…

Posts tagged ‘child’

Bad Note from Teacher

Very sad day today.  A got her very first (I say first because I am not naive enough to think, this will be the only one) bad note from the teacher.

I opened an email from my child’s kindergarten teacher to find out that she has been making up stories and lying saying that she was told, by the teacher, she could go to the front of the line when that was not true. She also mentioned the hard time A has been having with sharing.  I see that at home also.  We disciplined her by not letting her watch TV for the rest of the night when that is her most favorite thing to do. I’m sure that isn’t enough but if it continues, there will be less and less TV.

I wondered what my parents used to do when I was found out for something I did. Well, I was the perfect child so I am a hard one to compare to.  In our days anyways, there was more wooden objects that disciplined rather than words and discussion with us. I decided a long time ago that there would be no physical discipline in our house.

We talked to her and she knows how much we love her and how important it is to be honest.  She seems to want to please us still so I am hoping that this bad behavior will end…. soon.

What would you tell yourself 10 yrs ago?

When you feel uncomfortable, be honest about how you feel.  Think about what will make you happy.  Don’t worry about how you will get there or about the money.  Money doesn’t buy happiness, ever.  The Santa Fe doesn’t matter, it is only a car.  Working from a home doesn’t matter, you aren’t making any money anyway and you have to ask to just get a coffee. The house? Not yours, won’t ever be and don’t get the money out of your 401k. You will never get it back and you won’t be forgiven for what happened for the money, even if you are made to think so.  Money can’t buy people even friends, all the time.  Don’t make the mistake and if it is too late, don’t hurt yourself to try to make it better, you are worth more than that no matter what you do. 

It is hard to believe but in 10 years you will be married to a wonderful person and you will have a 5 year old child and will have a happy life.  Yes, you will get to name her Alexandra and she will be beautiful and smart and quite the individual.  No, you won’t have a lot of money and sometimes will struggle, but things are sometimes worth more when you struggle for them.  I don’t know if you will have a house, that struggle will be one we both will have to wait to see.

Emotional movies

We watched a movie “Over the Hedge” with our nearly 5 year old daughter tonight and for not the first time, we found that she is a very emotional child.  She is very caring about animals and people.  Recently, I have noticed when animals are in trouble on the screen, she cries.  She cares so much.  Maybe when she grows up she will be a vet or someone who takes care of animals.  She frequently ran back to my chair to climb on my lap because she was afraid that something bad was going to happen.  She is a strong willed little girl and I am so proud of her and I am so glad that she feels comfortable showing her emotions to us.

I personally get so involved in shows and movies that when there is trauma or something disturbing happens to someone, I often get teary but it is usually of the non-cartoon shows/movies with real people.

We don’t stifle her emotions but we do tell her that (at least) in the movies everything will be alright in the end.


To be or not to be

To be or not to be…

Really the question is “To have another baby or not to have another baby”.  We have been grappling with this question for nearly 5 years now and it is almost too late for many reasons and any one of the reasons is not really a reason to not have another child but I think we made our decision…:(

  • We are not getting any younger and we nearly have a panic attack thinking about how old we will be when our current child will be graduating high school, nevermind a new child who is 5 yrs younger.
  • It is harder to have a child for us.  It is not as easy as with heterosexual relationships who can just have an “oops”, we have to plan and get a donor ready, pick up the stuff, get inseminated, etc and that is after charting my ovulation to make sure we are inseminating at the correct time.  We have had some issues with the donor previously but things have somewhat worked out, so that is also an issue to deal with.
  • Money. I could have totally written this entire post about money but it is a BIG issue, the main reason we are questioning moving forward.

a. there is daycare for the new child, we just went through all the stages of daycare with our daughter and the price has gone steadily down for each room she moves to but then we would have to start over with a price tag of $150 a WEEK, $600 a month!  So much we could do with that money

b. D just was offered a new position and the money she will be making is decent, and is more than what she was making at her last permanent job and we will finally be able to save money and fix things that need to fixed, like the second car. THAT is only if we don’t have the additional daycare.

c. Then there is the issue of the 5 yo’s afterschool expense while we are working.  Yes, there is a possibility of D being able to work different hours but we are unsure if that is for sure or how that will work, she hasn’t started the job yet.

d. Then thinking about all that we need to spend money on while both children are growing up, and college and with esp the daycare, vacations anywhere great are not an option, and way too expensive.

So what is the decision?  We don’t even know yet… we are waiting another month because it doesn’t look like I even ovulated this month.  

What can’t you throw away?

Baby clothes (well actually clothes from every season for her entire life) from my daughter…  the obvious extension to this question would be… why not?

We have been going around in circles for months, well years really as to whether or not we will have another child.  We keep the clothes hoping that if we do have another child, it would be a girl.  I guess if it was a boy, we would be SOL and have to start all over but we wanted to try to have a head start. 

Now our daughter is nearly 5 (she will be on May 1st) and we have not yet started trying for another one.  There really is many pros and cons to it.  I think the cons have won though and it is mostly about money.  From daycare to after school programs to “will we really be able to pay for college for 1 nevermind 2?”  How does one decide?  We want to have a house and want to do so many things and it all revolves around money, every bit of it.  At the moment, we can’t make more money from where we are, in order to do that, we have to get different jobs that make more money but it costs money to go back to school. More money issues…(ok that was an unplanned tangent)

We have attempted to go through the clothes, and each time, we put some aside thinking we could give them away to this child or that charity but each bag we look and cry over this pretty little dress or that cute pair of shoes that are so small now… oh and don’t forget about the purple little dress that we took her home from the hospital in. Can’t throw that away! Then the clothes go back in the bag and we stuff it back into the closet in her room and slam the door shut tight and walk about til the next time we think about cleaning it out. 

I know it will need to be done, but it is just so hard to think about the memories of our little little girl and know that she won’t be little like that again and won’t fit into any of those clothes again.

Is she going on 5 or 25??

My daughter is getting so big.  Tonight, she came with me to a friend’s house and she fell down the bottom two stairs because the railing was broken.  She cried but she was fine, she was more scared than anything else.  I picked her up and we left shortly afterwards. 

Then when I was putting her in bed, I said “Sorry you fell down the stairs tonight, I didn’t now the railing was broken and I was behind you and could not keep you from falling.”  She said to me.  “Mommy, it is not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong, it was the house’s fault.  I love you.”

OMG!  She is sounding so big sometimes!  She is turning 5 on May 1st but she sounds more like a grown up when she talks like this.  She is so amazing!  I love that BIG GIRL!

This picture is from the summer but it is a very grown up look, I thought would fit this post… 🙂

What gives you hope?

When I saw this topic, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to do with it, so here goes: (I believe in God, and please know I don’t mean to offend anyone who does not.  If you don’t, think of it as your higher power, buddha or whomever you believe in)

What gives you hope? Love, love can give you hope, love specifically to you, love from God.  When things are going right around you. When you smile more than you frown.  When others do good things around you. Hope is a difficult thing to define.  It is like a feeling but more than a feeling, it is beautiful, it is a child’s innocence and unconditional love. It is a rainbow after a terrible rain storm. It is not something tangible, not something you can touch but you know when it is there. The breeze on a hot summer day, hope is an understanding that God is listening to your prayers. Hearing there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it gets better. It is something that keeps us going.

 And what, if anything, makes you question hope? It is the total opposite of what gives you hope.  It is a rain storm that lasts and lasts, it is violence and anger and pain.  It is a time when everything seems to be going wrong.  When you feel isolated and depressed, you feel like God is absent.  It is like a dark cloud over your head that you can’t get rid of. It is nasty, and discusting and a place you don’t want to be. Nothing is going right in your life, you can’t relax or sleep or smile. Despair…

And what makes you question your questions of hope? God showing you something so beautiful that your hope comes back.  THAT makes you question your questions (or your doubt) of hope!

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