As I see it…

Posts tagged ‘same gender’

Defining your own identity.

Post idea #346 – I know this was an idea from 2011 but I was trying to get some imput to the blog before I posted it, with no success so I am publishing and I will await YOUR input.

How do you define your own identity?

We are all born into cultures, families and communities with certain values we naturally inherit. But in order to figure out who we are, we have to revisit those inherited values, and decide for ourselves what to believe, or what to value. Simply believing something because our parents or teachers did assumes they were right, and if they made the same assumption about their parent’s and teachers, when exactly did someone sit down and consider the alternatives?

How can a person define their own identity? Is it good to do this? Why or why not?

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I felt this topic needed to be written about because it is something that affects me and several people I know. 

I actually don’t think anyone has a choice about defining their identity.  It happens, it is just a question of how and when.

As you wrote above, some people take on their identity based on what they inherit from their parents or teachers by how they see, treat or present them.  Most of the time, it seems like a person’s conscious or internal identity matches, but occasionally (research has found about 10% of all people) don’t match with that identity that others have chosen for them as they might have been born genetically as male but their internal identity could be a  female (or vice versa), similarly, a person could identify as someone who is attracted to someone of the same gender. “Coming out” as the different identity can be as early as preschool or later after they have tried to live in the identity that was expected or chosen for them by marrying someone of the opposite gender and having kids and then finding out that they are not that identity.  No one can choose that for anyone else and it is not even chosen by the person who has that alternate identity to many people’s despair.  Having an alternate identity to the majority is not easy as it is not easily accepted by society, why would anyone want to make that choice if choosing was an option?

 How can a person define their own identity?  They need to live it, breathe and and come out not only to others but to themselves to live a happy and fulfilling life. So, of course it is good to do this.  I feel that if you don’t define it to yourself and the world, living this “lie” is a life of unfulfilled emptiness.

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To be or not to be

To be or not to be…

Really the question is “To have another baby or not to have another baby”.  We have been grappling with this question for nearly 5 years now and it is almost too late for many reasons and any one of the reasons is not really a reason to not have another child but I think we made our decision…:(

  • We are not getting any younger and we nearly have a panic attack thinking about how old we will be when our current child will be graduating high school, nevermind a new child who is 5 yrs younger.
  • It is harder to have a child for us.  It is not as easy as with heterosexual relationships who can just have an “oops”, we have to plan and get a donor ready, pick up the stuff, get inseminated, etc and that is after charting my ovulation to make sure we are inseminating at the correct time.  We have had some issues with the donor previously but things have somewhat worked out, so that is also an issue to deal with.
  • Money. I could have totally written this entire post about money but it is a BIG issue, the main reason we are questioning moving forward.

a. there is daycare for the new child, we just went through all the stages of daycare with our daughter and the price has gone steadily down for each room she moves to but then we would have to start over with a price tag of $150 a WEEK, $600 a month!  So much we could do with that money

b. D just was offered a new position and the money she will be making is decent, and is more than what she was making at her last permanent job and we will finally be able to save money and fix things that need to fixed, like the second car. THAT is only if we don’t have the additional daycare.

c. Then there is the issue of the 5 yo’s afterschool expense while we are working.  Yes, there is a possibility of D being able to work different hours but we are unsure if that is for sure or how that will work, she hasn’t started the job yet.

d. Then thinking about all that we need to spend money on while both children are growing up, and college and with esp the daycare, vacations anywhere great are not an option, and way too expensive.

So what is the decision?  We don’t even know yet… we are waiting another month because it doesn’t look like I even ovulated this month.  

It Gets Better…

  Have you heard of this? Run by the Trevor Project, it is a group that helps young people who are feeling like they are all alone, like they are the only person who is different, it seems like everyone is against them, hates them, only likes people who are just like them.  The bullies yell in their face, stalk them, make them feel unsafe and unworthy of being alive, all because they love someone of the same gender. 

What is that? What right do these bigoted bullies have to tell young people who are not “normal” ,according to some, that they don’t deserve the absolute best in life.  Everyone deserves to be able to love the person they want no matter their gender.  The time around these bullies, will not last.  It will get better… There are so many people out there who support you in this life, you don’t have to take what these kids say to heart.  The option that some think they have is taking their own life is more permanent than the bulling.  Report it, talk about it, scream, make a scene, don’t let them get away with it.  Tell your parents, friends, neighbors, teachers, a coach, pastor, someone who is willing to get involved and stop the madness! Your life will get better!

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