Yes I know that is an oxymoron but that is sort of how I feel. I am hoping that all that is going well with my life will continue BUT I have this underlying anxious fear that the “other shoe will drop” or it is a ploy of the universe to wave a carrot in front of me sort of saying “look at what you aren’t going to get”. This is for everything, from my partner starting her job next week or time we have together. It could be that the committee I am involved in seems to be going well but then I’m afraid of the vote. Would almost rather not vote than to have it go the wrong way. I also have been doing well in choir, singing high notes and playing the bells with interesting rhythms and doing them correctly. I’m afraid that on the day we have to sing or play in front of the congregation that the high note is not right or I mess up the rhythm. Things have been going wrong for so long that it is hard to think positively about things going right. Maybe this is just being realistic not pessimistic… I don’t like the feeling though…:(
Posts tagged ‘dark cloud’
When I saw this topic, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to do with it, so here goes: (I believe in God, and please know I don’t mean to offend anyone who does not. If you don’t, think of it as your higher power, buddha or whomever you believe in)
What gives you hope? Love, love can give you hope, love specifically to you, love from God. When things are going right around you. When you smile more than you frown. When others do good things around you. Hope is a difficult thing to define. It is like a feeling but more than a feeling, it is beautiful, it is a child’s innocence and unconditional love. It is a rainbow after a terrible rain storm. It is not something tangible, not something you can touch but you know when it is there. The breeze on a hot summer day, hope is an understanding that God is listening to your prayers. Hearing there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it gets better. It is something that keeps us going.
And what, if anything, makes you question hope? It is the total opposite of what gives you hope. It is a rain storm that lasts and lasts, it is violence and anger and pain. It is a time when everything seems to be going wrong. When you feel isolated and depressed, you feel like God is absent. It is like a dark cloud over your head that you can’t get rid of. It is nasty, and discusting and a place you don’t want to be. Nothing is going right in your life, you can’t relax or sleep or smile. Despair…
And what makes you question your questions of hope? God showing you something so beautiful that your hope comes back. THAT makes you question your questions (or your doubt) of hope!