As I see it…

Posts tagged ‘postaweek2011’

Most stressful…

Moving is the most stressful event in a person’s life…. buying a house has got to be right up there!

I need to chill

I need to chill and realize I can’t change things that happen sometimes.  I need to realize that there are things I can’t change.  If I can’t change it, sometimes, I need to accept it. I can’t run away from it.  If I fight it, I will just make it worse.  I want it to be better, I need to move on, keep focused on the present and know there is a future. I need to try to focus on the positive.  What is the alternative?  Be miserable.  I need to try to work as a team, to function with who we have to work with instead of trying to make the situation worse.  I will miss how it was but when things can not be the same and can’t go back I need to find a way to deal with it.  They are worried about me and frankly so am I.  I want to be able to control the situation especially since I know it will hurt others.  But how do you deal with it when you are forced to?

If I don’t write again…

So… tomorrow… May 21, 2011… many people say it is the day that Jesus comes back.  Really?  The bible says “Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of
man comes” (Matt. 25:13).  So since everyone is worried about, thinking about it and wondering what to do probably means he isn’t coming tomorrow.

Then… I am confused, some say all the good ones are the ones leaving and the 97% who are left are not are going to hell?  What about how I also heard it was the other way around and it was the good people who are staying here?  AND where did they get that 97% from?  There are so many churches, religions, individual people who believe in God (in what ever religion you believe in) how can they say it will be 97% one way or the other?  That is definitely a man-made number and probably a man-made date.

Will we all be here on May 22, 2011 and on?  Let’s check and see.  If I don’t write again, you will know that I went. Hope to see you on the other side!

Sometimes more than others

There goes my little.. no wait BIG girl going by herself on the spinning teacups on the mall carousel…
Tonight is one of those nights I miss my mother more than others, not just because I am watching my own child but because I need a non-judgemental listenining ear…
Tonight, we went to see a house, it is a very old house that has pretty much every original appliance since it was built in the 1950’s but it had cute built in’s in just about every room to make up for it’s small square footage and a very big yard. There are big problems with it and it would need lots of work before moving in. D said she would love to make it work and we could definately afford it… BUT I don’t like it. My dad said he would help me with the down payment but not with this house.. I could not justify using his money to help us buy.
D is upset with me because I discounted it and said I would not do it.
So, there is more…we are actually waiting on a response on another house. We made an offer on another house that we really like and all the big ticket items have been taken care of, roof, heater, floors… have all been done.  The problem is the bank already came back with a full price offer and we countered again and we already decided that if they don’t accept at this price, we will say no. The only problem? We will be struggling with the monthly payment even at our counter offer. We want the house and I know we will make it work but right now we are very stressed and sometimes I just get so upset missing my mom…sometimes I just need someone to vent to.
I need a person to just talk to, I need mom, my mom. Why did she have to leave me? I don’t have anyone to just call anytime to just cry to or to just talk about my day. My mom used to call me all the time. Then for some unknown reason, I decided I needed to find myself and asked her not to call for a while and then when I came back to my senses we spent a short time again re-getting to know each other… and then she left.
Now, I have a partner but when I just need to talk about stuff going on with my life, I don’t have anyone besides her. Most women have girlfriends they can call up and complain to… I don’t
Why did she have to leave? Why do I have no one to talk to? No one to listen…not try to fix…not feel obligated to do something…just listen?

Make a prediction for next week?

Well, I could make a prediction on what I hope will happen or what I really think will happen:

What I hope will happen is that the bank will accept our offer on the house we want!  We made a low ball offer on a house that we really love.  The house is great, has tons of space inside, has a decent size yard and is in a great family neighborhood. It is the only house we have agreed on since we have started looking. Seriously, this is the perfect house!  It is too much money though, well with the interest rate that the lender gave us.  I know it could go up or down.  If it stays the same or if it goes up we can’t afford that price.  I hate to get my hopes up though cuz then I am afraid they will get dashed.

We are waiting for the bank.  The listing agent already said that the bank will probably counter back with the full price. That agent was sort of snotty about it too… whatever.

So my prediction is that they will come back with a counter but it will be a price we can still afford. 

I used to think owning a house is a piece of the american dream but right now all it really is to us is having our own space, our own yard, and the ability to do whatever we want with it!

Our credit wasn’t the best before but now we have been told it is excellent and I have some thoughts about the fact that you can’t take it with you when you die but while we are here, why not live life to the fullest and have a little piece of this earth while we are here.  If it were possible for us to rent a house so it would feel more like our space, we might do that but with our landlords just upstairs we have to deal with their stuff.

I got a lilac bush (my absolute favorite flower)for mother’s day and the landlords came knocking on the door and asked what we will be doing with the lilac bush, D told them that if we buy a house, we will be taking it there and planting it in our new yard and if  not, we will buy a planter to put it in.  J said to D, “you could just plant it here and then dig it up if you move”, with a big huge smile.  J even asked: “Are you sure you don’t want to buy this place?”

We don’t want to buy this triple decker property which is on a detour that will be going for 2 years.  It now has traffic of a main road in the city, it is a 100 year old house, it needs tons of updates, mostly on the first floor where we live.  The upper floors have gotten many updates, yeah it is there house so they did the updates to their property and not ours.  I am going down a different writing road here than I wanted to.  I didn’t expect this to be a complaining blog.

So part of my prediction is when they come back with the counter offer, we will then need to talk to J and B again to let them know we are moving!!  We have to also figure out if we can use some of the money we gave them will pay for the last month’s rent.

Summary: I predict we will get a counter offer but we will be able to afford it and we will get an answer from family about assistance and we will have to start looking for boxes!  I will write an answer when I get it.

The “Thing”

Ever been upset about someone doing something for no apparent reason?  This thing is hurtful to themselves but it really doesn’t effect you personally.  The “thing” is also hurting (let’s call him Joe)’s family.  It is evident in the relationships and how they seem to be strained and distant.  It hurts to see that in Joe’s child.  It is also hard to be around Joe because it feels like this “thing” is all that Joe wants to talk about.  He tries to talk to me on facebook about it, tries to call me about it, worries how I feel about it.  It is not my issue, it is his issue but it is almost like he wants to make it my  issue.  I guess “it” is hurting me, it is straining my friendship with him.  I am glad he wants to be around me and wants to open up to me but I am sort of thinking: ENOUGH!  Why can’t you stop this “thing”? Everyone needs to hit some bottom for these things, to decide that “I won’t have it any more and I am GOING to change it”.  Joe must not have hit that bottom yet and I guess I almost think he should have hit bottom and come out of it.  They say it is a disease and to some point, I can believe it but I guess I don’t believe it totally.  Where is the forward thinking to change what looks like will happen in the future based on the decisions that have been made to this point?  You can’t change the past but you need to deal with it and then move away from it so that the present is what is happening NOW and not trying to continuously “change” the past.  When working on what is happening now, it helps to change the path of the future.  Why doesn’t Joe see that?

I guess I am biased because I have had some experience with this “thing” and I have left it behind.  If I can do it, I almost feel like it should be possible for Joe too.  Sometimes, I think it might have been possible for my path to go in a different way if I made different choices.  I had issues and I got away from them. Joe’s current life has the “look” of happiness so why does he want to destroy it with this “thing” when it can be left behind?

oops…

Oops, I missed a whole week of blogging since the beginning of the year.  Why?  Sometimes I have an idea but yet I don’t feel like I have enough to write about.  Is there anyone reading?  I used to write in a journal every day without fail when I was younger (later high school and college) and then I had a bad experience where someone read my writing that I didn’t really want to read it.  That person insisted and then used some of the things against me.  That was traumatic and it was a big step to even start this blog, thinking that people would actually read what I have to say.  I also sometimes think I won’t be able to get my thoughts out clear enough for people to want to read/subscribe or even to just scan what I have to say.  I used to be part of a writing group and I could write but then when it came time for me to read what I wrote, I would cry because I wasn’t sure what I had to say was good enough, even though the groups were about “training”.  I pride myself in editing other’s writing.  I pick up spelling and grammar errors in published work.  I often say I should have been an editor.  Anyone have a job for me? 

My blog is called “Laurie’s Ramblings” The things I feel I need to say.  Sometimes it comes out and sometimes it is stifled by my own voices in my head.  Yeah there are voices, we all do, don’t deny it.  This post was quite random and I hope it is still readable. Is there anyone out there?

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