As I see it…

Posts tagged ‘postaweek2011’

Sometimes more than others

There goes my little.. no wait BIG girl going by herself on the spinning teacups on the mall carousel…
Tonight is one of those nights I miss my mother more than others, not just because I am watching my own child but because I need a non-judgemental listenining ear…
Tonight, we went to see a house, it is a very old house that has pretty much every original appliance since it was built in the 1950’s but it had cute built in’s in just about every room to make up for it’s small square footage and a very big yard. There are big problems with it and it would need lots of work before moving in. D said she would love to make it work and we could definately afford it… BUT I don’t like it. My dad said he would help me with the down payment but not with this house.. I could not justify using his money to help us buy.
D is upset with me because I discounted it and said I would not do it.
So, there is more…we are actually waiting on a response on another house. We made an offer on another house that we really like and all the big ticket items have been taken care of, roof, heater, floors… have all been done.  The problem is the bank already came back with a full price offer and we countered again and we already decided that if they don’t accept at this price, we will say no. The only problem? We will be struggling with the monthly payment even at our counter offer. We want the house and I know we will make it work but right now we are very stressed and sometimes I just get so upset missing my mom…sometimes I just need someone to vent to.
I need a person to just talk to, I need mom, my mom. Why did she have to leave me? I don’t have anyone to just call anytime to just cry to or to just talk about my day. My mom used to call me all the time. Then for some unknown reason, I decided I needed to find myself and asked her not to call for a while and then when I came back to my senses we spent a short time again re-getting to know each other… and then she left.
Now, I have a partner but when I just need to talk about stuff going on with my life, I don’t have anyone besides her. Most women have girlfriends they can call up and complain to… I don’t
Why did she have to leave? Why do I have no one to talk to? No one to listen…not try to fix…not feel obligated to do something…just listen?

Make a prediction for next week?

Well, I could make a prediction on what I hope will happen or what I really think will happen:

What I hope will happen is that the bank will accept our offer on the house we want!  We made a low ball offer on a house that we really love.  The house is great, has tons of space inside, has a decent size yard and is in a great family neighborhood. It is the only house we have agreed on since we have started looking. Seriously, this is the perfect house!  It is too much money though, well with the interest rate that the lender gave us.  I know it could go up or down.  If it stays the same or if it goes up we can’t afford that price.  I hate to get my hopes up though cuz then I am afraid they will get dashed.

We are waiting for the bank.  The listing agent already said that the bank will probably counter back with the full price. That agent was sort of snotty about it too… whatever.

So my prediction is that they will come back with a counter but it will be a price we can still afford. 

I used to think owning a house is a piece of the american dream but right now all it really is to us is having our own space, our own yard, and the ability to do whatever we want with it!

Our credit wasn’t the best before but now we have been told it is excellent and I have some thoughts about the fact that you can’t take it with you when you die but while we are here, why not live life to the fullest and have a little piece of this earth while we are here.  If it were possible for us to rent a house so it would feel more like our space, we might do that but with our landlords just upstairs we have to deal with their stuff.

I got a lilac bush (my absolute favorite flower)for mother’s day and the landlords came knocking on the door and asked what we will be doing with the lilac bush, D told them that if we buy a house, we will be taking it there and planting it in our new yard and if  not, we will buy a planter to put it in.  J said to D, “you could just plant it here and then dig it up if you move”, with a big huge smile.  J even asked: “Are you sure you don’t want to buy this place?”

We don’t want to buy this triple decker property which is on a detour that will be going for 2 years.  It now has traffic of a main road in the city, it is a 100 year old house, it needs tons of updates, mostly on the first floor where we live.  The upper floors have gotten many updates, yeah it is there house so they did the updates to their property and not ours.  I am going down a different writing road here than I wanted to.  I didn’t expect this to be a complaining blog.

So part of my prediction is when they come back with the counter offer, we will then need to talk to J and B again to let them know we are moving!!  We have to also figure out if we can use some of the money we gave them will pay for the last month’s rent.

Summary: I predict we will get a counter offer but we will be able to afford it and we will get an answer from family about assistance and we will have to start looking for boxes!  I will write an answer when I get it.

The “Thing”

Ever been upset about someone doing something for no apparent reason?  This thing is hurtful to themselves but it really doesn’t effect you personally.  The “thing” is also hurting (let’s call him Joe)’s family.  It is evident in the relationships and how they seem to be strained and distant.  It hurts to see that in Joe’s child.  It is also hard to be around Joe because it feels like this “thing” is all that Joe wants to talk about.  He tries to talk to me on facebook about it, tries to call me about it, worries how I feel about it.  It is not my issue, it is his issue but it is almost like he wants to make it my  issue.  I guess “it” is hurting me, it is straining my friendship with him.  I am glad he wants to be around me and wants to open up to me but I am sort of thinking: ENOUGH!  Why can’t you stop this “thing”? Everyone needs to hit some bottom for these things, to decide that “I won’t have it any more and I am GOING to change it”.  Joe must not have hit that bottom yet and I guess I almost think he should have hit bottom and come out of it.  They say it is a disease and to some point, I can believe it but I guess I don’t believe it totally.  Where is the forward thinking to change what looks like will happen in the future based on the decisions that have been made to this point?  You can’t change the past but you need to deal with it and then move away from it so that the present is what is happening NOW and not trying to continuously “change” the past.  When working on what is happening now, it helps to change the path of the future.  Why doesn’t Joe see that?

I guess I am biased because I have had some experience with this “thing” and I have left it behind.  If I can do it, I almost feel like it should be possible for Joe too.  Sometimes, I think it might have been possible for my path to go in a different way if I made different choices.  I had issues and I got away from them. Joe’s current life has the “look” of happiness so why does he want to destroy it with this “thing” when it can be left behind?

oops…

Oops, I missed a whole week of blogging since the beginning of the year.  Why?  Sometimes I have an idea but yet I don’t feel like I have enough to write about.  Is there anyone reading?  I used to write in a journal every day without fail when I was younger (later high school and college) and then I had a bad experience where someone read my writing that I didn’t really want to read it.  That person insisted and then used some of the things against me.  That was traumatic and it was a big step to even start this blog, thinking that people would actually read what I have to say.  I also sometimes think I won’t be able to get my thoughts out clear enough for people to want to read/subscribe or even to just scan what I have to say.  I used to be part of a writing group and I could write but then when it came time for me to read what I wrote, I would cry because I wasn’t sure what I had to say was good enough, even though the groups were about “training”.  I pride myself in editing other’s writing.  I pick up spelling and grammar errors in published work.  I often say I should have been an editor.  Anyone have a job for me? 

My blog is called “Laurie’s Ramblings” The things I feel I need to say.  Sometimes it comes out and sometimes it is stifled by my own voices in my head.  Yeah there are voices, we all do, don’t deny it.  This post was quite random and I hope it is still readable. Is there anyone out there?

What would you tell yourself 10 yrs ago?

When you feel uncomfortable, be honest about how you feel.  Think about what will make you happy.  Don’t worry about how you will get there or about the money.  Money doesn’t buy happiness, ever.  The Santa Fe doesn’t matter, it is only a car.  Working from a home doesn’t matter, you aren’t making any money anyway and you have to ask to just get a coffee. The house? Not yours, won’t ever be and don’t get the money out of your 401k. You will never get it back and you won’t be forgiven for what happened for the money, even if you are made to think so.  Money can’t buy people even friends, all the time.  Don’t make the mistake and if it is too late, don’t hurt yourself to try to make it better, you are worth more than that no matter what you do. 

It is hard to believe but in 10 years you will be married to a wonderful person and you will have a 5 year old child and will have a happy life.  Yes, you will get to name her Alexandra and she will be beautiful and smart and quite the individual.  No, you won’t have a lot of money and sometimes will struggle, but things are sometimes worth more when you struggle for them.  I don’t know if you will have a house, that struggle will be one we both will have to wait to see.

Bacon?

Interesting topic from Word Press…

I like bacon, well done please, needs to be crispy, not soggy.  I like it, mostly only at breakfast.  I don’t want to eat it any other time because of how much fat is in it… it is probably all fat!

My 5 yr old daughter likes bacon as well, when we make it at breakfast on the weekends she always wants to make bacon part of it.  It wasn’t always that way.  She first said she didn’t like it, that was until she tried it!  Getting her to eat bacon was actually the first time reverse psychology actually worked for us. I told her “I’m glad you don’t like bacon, more for me to eat!”  She immediately picked one up and ate it and then wanted more, the rest is history.

I do think that the saying “bringing home the bacon” is old and it should be retired although I do understand why it was used.  Bacon could be a metaphor for money and it could be that bacon used to be a less expensive meat in the past and it was something that could easily be brought home to make for dinner… (I don’t know about that though, I made it up…)

Annoyance…

Today’s blog suggestion was to pick something that annoys you and describe how you would fix it:

I am annoyed by how long it takes in the Emergency room!

You go in, there are two people sitting in the waiting room and yet it still takes you 4-6 hours to even be seen!  Are there even doctors in there?  They say that there are more important trauma patients in there but when you get in (finally) to be seen, you barely see anyone in there.  What are doctors doing in there?  The front desk staff is just hanging around and it doesn’t seem like anything is being done to see me.  Feels like they are just waiting around for the next ambulance to come around the corner.

How would I fix it?  I would do the triage and have the doctors see the patients in the waiting room and then when the trauma patients come in, they can go see those patients.  A resident can finish the rest of the first patient’s exam or issue.  It just does not seem like an effective system.

My name…

So I suppose now that I noticed other people also noticed that the “Talk or Text” topic was also the topic from Jan 4th, I suppose, I need to do the next topic, huh?  “How did you get your name?”

I’m not sure if it is true or not, but my mother used to watch soaps during the day and there was a charactor on her favorite show “Young and the Restless” (I think) who’s name was “Laurie Ann” and my name was born..lol

Another option was that my mom liked “Laurie” and it is a french-canadian spelling and my grandmother’s first name is “Ann”.

Not sure which one is the better of the two. 

Now, I will tell you how I named my daughter… A woman who was strong, confident, and did a job that would usually have been done by a man, but was still beautiful and her name was Alex.  It was a name that could and is both a male and female name, at least the nickname.  Alexandra or Alexander

Have you ever seen Flashdance?  That is where I got my daughter’s name.

Talk or Text?

Always text!  You can take your time and tell a whole story, or text one sentence and be done all day, you don’t have to worry about pauses or….WAIT A MINUTE! I just realized I already wrote about this… look back to January… Has WordPress already ran out of ideas?  Did anyone else notice this?

https://lsawyer713.wordpress.com/2011/01/07/do-you-prefer-to-talk-or-text/

What do you want for your last meal?

I am not sure how to answer that.  I have tried to spend the last 4 years not being obsessed or addicted to food.  I tried to eat healthy and learning to enjoy every meal and not just eating calories just because they are in front of me.  If something is not worth the calories, I try not to eat it.  After the first bite, if it is not worth it, why go on?  If it is a meal, I might eat it because I need to eat.

Now that I have said that, I would want my grandmother’s authentic italian dinner with italian wedding soup, homemade spaghetti and all the fixings that go with it.  I think THAT would be the best last meal ever!

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