As I see it…

Posts tagged ‘come out’

Defining your own identity.

Post idea #346 – I know this was an idea from 2011 but I was trying to get some imput to the blog before I posted it, with no success so I am publishing and I will await YOUR input.

How do you define your own identity?

We are all born into cultures, families and communities with certain values we naturally inherit. But in order to figure out who we are, we have to revisit those inherited values, and decide for ourselves what to believe, or what to value. Simply believing something because our parents or teachers did assumes they were right, and if they made the same assumption about their parent’s and teachers, when exactly did someone sit down and consider the alternatives?

How can a person define their own identity? Is it good to do this? Why or why not?


I felt this topic needed to be written about because it is something that affects me and several people I know. 

I actually don’t think anyone has a choice about defining their identity.  It happens, it is just a question of how and when.

As you wrote above, some people take on their identity based on what they inherit from their parents or teachers by how they see, treat or present them.  Most of the time, it seems like a person’s conscious or internal identity matches, but occasionally (research has found about 10% of all people) don’t match with that identity that others have chosen for them as they might have been born genetically as male but their internal identity could be a  female (or vice versa), similarly, a person could identify as someone who is attracted to someone of the same gender. “Coming out” as the different identity can be as early as preschool or later after they have tried to live in the identity that was expected or chosen for them by marrying someone of the opposite gender and having kids and then finding out that they are not that identity.  No one can choose that for anyone else and it is not even chosen by the person who has that alternate identity to many people’s despair.  Having an alternate identity to the majority is not easy as it is not easily accepted by society, why would anyone want to make that choice if choosing was an option?

 How can a person define their own identity?  They need to live it, breathe and and come out not only to others but to themselves to live a happy and fulfilling life. So, of course it is good to do this.  I feel that if you don’t define it to yourself and the world, living this “lie” is a life of unfulfilled emptiness.

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