Daily Post: Flawed
by michelle w. on December 13, 2012
What is your worst quality?
I have not really been able to get into the daily posts either with time or inspiration of what to write. This one is fairly easy, my worst quality is my lack of self confidence and how I see myself. I think everyone is better than me and I treat them accordingly. I feel like I need to be validated at work, at home, on the street and with everything I do. I sometimes feel like it is amazing that I am able to do anything some days. When I do get that validation, I feel like that person must be talking to someone else. I look around to see who else they could be talking to besides me. I call this my worst quality because I probably could do so much more than I do now if I thought I actually could. I recently was thrown into being the chair person to a committee at work. I do really care about the topic and yesterday, there was a very important meeting that I attended and invited someone from an outside agency to consult with the group. I felt like I studdered and was unsure of my words and repeated things I had already said. I also had to provide a summary of the meeting to the executive sponsor of the group and he told me it was excellent and he has all the info he needs to bring to the executive meeting. He also said this was the most substantial thing that the committee has done since its inception 8 or 9 years ago. Was that really me? The previous chair stepped down because he didn’t feel supported by administration and then I just did a few (what I think are) minor things and I feel very supported.
Another way I feel supported at work is, the group I work with gave me a sign for my desk. “The Oracle”. That in and of itself should make me feel real good about myself, like I can do anything. Right? It’s funny because I always have to prove it, to myself.
I sometimes don’t feel like I can do anything when I live paycheck to paycheck and although there is a reason (we had a pay a large bill or buying presents for friends and family for Christmas) for having little to no money in the bank, I still feel like a lot of nothing.
I even feel flawed in my writing. I just recently took a placer test to take a class at a local community college and it said my writing is not as good as I thought, and many others have said it was. I could make a lot of excuses for that. I didn’t understand the way the question was asked or they graded it incorrectly, but whatever it was, I feel quite flawed. I sometimes don’t write in this blog because I don’t feel like it is good at all. I don’t get many comments so it must mean I am writing to myself, right?
I like these words to Pink’s song:
You’re so mean,
When you talk, About yourself, You are wrong.
Change the voices, In your head
Make them like you Instead.