As I see it…

Hopefully pessimistic

Yes I know that is an oxymoron but that is sort of how I feel.  I am hoping that all that is going well with my life will continue BUT I have this underlying anxious fear that the “other shoe will drop” or it is a ploy of the universe to wave a carrot in front of me sort of saying “look at what you aren’t going to get”.  This is for everything, from my partner starting her job next week or time we have together. It could be that the committee I am involved in seems to be going well but then I’m afraid of the vote.  Would almost rather not vote than to have it go the wrong way.  I also have been doing well in choir, singing high notes and playing the bells with interesting rhythms and doing them correctly. I’m afraid that on the day we have to sing or play in front of the congregation that the high note is not right or I mess up the rhythm.  Things have been going wrong for so long that it is hard to think positively about things going right. Maybe this is just being realistic not pessimistic… I don’t like the feeling though…:(

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Comments on: "Hopefully pessimistic" (3)

  1. I often feel the same way, it drives my always optimistic husband crazy! I wish I knew a ‘cure’ but I’m starting to feel hat this is just the way I am…

  2. I will apologize at the outset: your post conjured my big sister self, and I really DON’T mean to sound big sisterish at all.

    Sometimes our crazy, primitive mind carries us away: we expect sabre-tooth tigers to jump out from somewhere we can’t see, or a tsunami to come crashing in, something anything that is going to take away all the things that feel good and healthy and happy, all the things we don’t want to lose or go wrong and we are ever vigilant for these monsters. Sorta like kids who afraid of the dark.

    When I’ve worried, I worry about worrying, which is only slightly more mad than worrying about NOT worrying.

    It’s challenging to say the least.

    Sometimes we think that if we do enough affirmations, or apply positive thinking, it keeps the lions and tigers and bears away. Outlook determining outcome kind of thing. I don’t know if that’s true, but recontextualizing it all to let all parts of you know that you’ll find ways to get through the wacky roads of life…and ameliorate things as you need to. It’s all life.

    And from reading your blog…you’ve done amazing.

    • FS, Thanks for the comment. I grew up as the oldest in my family so big sister comments are sometimes welcomed… I try to stay positive but sometimes these feelings just creep in.:)
      thanks again for weighing in on this…

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