As I see it…

To be or not to be

To be or not to be…

Really the question is “To have another baby or not to have another baby”.  We have been grappling with this question for nearly 5 years now and it is almost too late for many reasons and any one of the reasons is not really a reason to not have another child but I think we made our decision…:(

  • We are not getting any younger and we nearly have a panic attack thinking about how old we will be when our current child will be graduating high school, nevermind a new child who is 5 yrs younger.
  • It is harder to have a child for us.  It is not as easy as with heterosexual relationships who can just have an “oops”, we have to plan and get a donor ready, pick up the stuff, get inseminated, etc and that is after charting my ovulation to make sure we are inseminating at the correct time.  We have had some issues with the donor previously but things have somewhat worked out, so that is also an issue to deal with.
  • Money. I could have totally written this entire post about money but it is a BIG issue, the main reason we are questioning moving forward.

a. there is daycare for the new child, we just went through all the stages of daycare with our daughter and the price has gone steadily down for each room she moves to but then we would have to start over with a price tag of $150 a WEEK, $600 a month!  So much we could do with that money

b. D just was offered a new position and the money she will be making is decent, and is more than what she was making at her last permanent job and we will finally be able to save money and fix things that need to fixed, like the second car. THAT is only if we don’t have the additional daycare.

c. Then there is the issue of the 5 yo’s afterschool expense while we are working.  Yes, there is a possibility of D being able to work different hours but we are unsure if that is for sure or how that will work, she hasn’t started the job yet.

d. Then thinking about all that we need to spend money on while both children are growing up, and college and with esp the daycare, vacations anywhere great are not an option, and way too expensive.

So what is the decision?  We don’t even know yet… we are waiting another month because it doesn’t look like I even ovulated this month.  

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Comments on: "To be or not to be" (3)

  1. After reading this I have to laugh, not at your post but at myself. I have one sister, almost 10 years older; my ex had four siblings. I never wanted to have children, he did and at some point-for whatever reason-I agreed to have one and see how it went. I ended up hooked and had 5 children and 1 miscarriage in just over 6 years! Not as easy as it sounds….there were conception difficulties, major money problems, marital issues. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide, it certainly isn’t easy!

  2. i totally understand this. we have two under the age of three. i had one at 39 and the other at 41. i got my tubes tied after the second, because i am getting a little old to be having babies and it seems to be surprisingly easy for us to get pregnant. even though the two we have make me tireder than i ever thought possible, and paying for three would be impossible….part of me still wants another one!! good luck with whatever you decide!

  3. We’ve gone back and forth on whether or not to have a child. He has a child that is almost 14, so that is a big help for us not to have a child (do we really want to start over at this point?). We’ve looked into adoption and there are many children out there needing forever homes, but we still aren’t sure if that’s the road for us. So, at this time the answer is no additional children for us.

    Good luck with your decision, it’s definitely a very DIFFICULT decision to make!

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